So last night I was emptying the dishwasher and noticed that a spoon had what appeared to be a grain of rice crusted onto its back. I tried to scrape it off with my right index finger, and succeeded.
Problem is, instead of flicking away, never to be seen again, the heat-tempered food fragment slid its way deep (1/4" or so) under my fingernail.
In case you're wondering, I broke. I told the spoon everything. You should all consider your cover identities blown and take immediate evasive action. Tango, tango, bravo, whiskey. (Actually, whiskey doesn't sound half bad right now. Joe Smith I ain't.)
Lest you think that I am Bob Novacking it all the way to the bank, read on. I had a self-administered surgery last night (100% anaesthetic free!) to remove about half of the offending fragment (and about a fourth of my fingernail). Then I had to wait until this afternoon to get into my doc's office and have him cut away a good portion of what remained to get at the rest of the rice grain*.
My finger is recovering, but typing, as you may imagine, is not the most pleasant of activities. (Read: hurts like a mofo.) So I'll be contemplating but not responding to any comments for awhile.
Thank you, and please drive through.
———
*May also contain orzo.
who's a føfee
- richard dandelion
- A friend of mine summed up my existence pretty well: "about ninety percent of what I do makes me want to kill myself."
føfee listens
føfee reads
føfee wears
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11 comments:
Just want you to know I grimaced in sympathy pain all the way through this post. Hope you recover soon.
ewww. that narrative was totally cormac mccarthy/brian evanson-worthy. i felt the pain. well, not really, but i did grimace like shawn. oof. i picture a cartoon thumb pulsing 10x its normal size.
wv: dialixor. take some and call back in the morning.
Shawn, thanks.
SC, thanks, too. LIAR. (PS, despite being a top operative for a number of clandestine organizations —to protect his identity, let's call my boss "Sack Flour"— I was unable to crack your code. "wv: dialixor"??)
rd: wv=word verification. hm. surprised you didn't know that.
Ah, gotcha. I was just testing you.
There is a drug called Dialixir; I was confused because it's an expectorant and anti-asthmatic.
Aaaagggghhhh! My fingers now hurt for you.
if you really wanted to look tough, you should have had the doctor take your whole finger off. then you could really scare G's friends!
that really sounds hurty though, hopefully your nail grows back soon. >:-(
Thanks, shoeless. Though I have to say that you and Freebird have significantly eased my pain with your Blogsmythe thread on SWAB.
Lola, I'm saving that for when she starts to date and I need to put the fear of Me into her consorts.
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! I know that's not what you said when it happened, but that's what I thought throughout your whole story here. Isn't there some method of torture that involves inserting something underneath the fingernail? Oh, Richard. That just HURTS! I, too, hope your poor finger gets better soon. And that you aren't permanently scarred to the extent that there will be no more unloading the dishwasher...or eating rice.
WV: holyp. Expletive used when heat-tempered rice gets wedged under the nail.
Nicea: Thanks. (And yes, there is a torture. That was the joke I was trying to make with paragraph 3 and the reference to Valerie Plame's outing by Bob Novack. Sometimes I think I am so funny! :-))
You ARE really funny, Richard. And so dang smart! Some things just go right over my head, in case you hadn't noticed. I read the Tango, tango, bravo, whiskey paragraph and knew I was missing something. Not to be self-deprecating or anything, but the sad truth is that my knowledge is often sorely limited to only the most surface of information. And my deeper knowledge is just that: way. deep down. in there. somewhere.
I soooo hope that much more of what I've read and studied will someday be retrievable and useable by me.
As it is, Valerie Plame? Yeah, I know of whom you speak. But I could never in a million years have recalled Bob Novack's name as her snitch. (It's a good thing I remembered that Valerie was a spy, or else I might have gone in a completely different direction with your "outing" reference.) Sigh. Don't mind me.
I did get that Joe Smith whiskey reference, though. So, see?
WV: ponishin - Aging is so ponishin.
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