Suck it, BYU!*

He's outtie, nerds!



Congratulations on your graduation, MASTER B!


_____
*Yes, I hold degrees from BYU, and I definitely got a great education there. Good friends of mine (my respect for whom knows no bounds) teach there. My parents, siblings, and wife studied there, and all came away the better for it.

It's like my mission. I'm glad I did it, but...

If you need

If you need

a laugh

to rest

something of beauty

a surprise ally

the perfect ornament

a triple-shot whole-milk two-Splenda latte on the sly (tall)

something to look forward to

a wicked snark

comfortable pants

reasons:

you will have to do

your best

to imitate her.



Happy birthday, Lola!

I defy you...

...to tell the difference.

One is my sister, the other my daughter. Can you guess which is which?

We're wireless, baby!!

Thanks to:

:: the enlightened minds at Penn State's Residential Computing Office who have finally allowed us to join the WiFi-enabled world;

:: the geniuses at Apple Computer for designing a beautiful little wireless router that not only shoots a full-bars WiFi signal throughout my entire home*, but also enables the playing of my entire music library (stored on a hard drive in my office) via speakers plugged into the said router in my living room;

:: those same geniuses for creating a little program called Remote that turns Miss Kitti's iPod Touch into a full-function wireless remote for said music so that I don't have to run into the office every time I want to play a different song/podcast/anything my heart desires;

:: a wife who indulges my tech fetish and always makes me feel appreciated (even when all I've done is to take credit for all of the above, as if I had anything to do with it);

:: family** and friends for advice and experience;

:: life, for being not so bad, after all; and

:: Diet Coke, just because.

___________
*All the while irradiating me and mine to a degree that I'd probably best not think about.
**I'd link to you, too, Grady Tripp, if only you were a webpage.

For Friss, My Sis

This made me think of you.
There's always plenty of room on the back of my horse for you!

Richard Dandelion = Lame Fun Spoiler: or, 36 Things You Still Don't Know About Me

So, I know I'm being lame and spoiling this, but I have a pretty strict policy against forwarding e-mails. If anyone's interested in my responses to Nicea's questions, click on!

1. What is your occupation? See my blog profile.

2. What color are your socks right now? Since I'm currently sandal-clad, I have no socks on (despite really wishing I did. But as your friend and mine maintains, "It is much better to look good than to feel good.")

3. What are you listening to right now? My desk fan whirring pleasantly; the tap of my ancient keyboard's teclas*.

4. What was the last thing that you ate? My words.

5. Can you drive a stick shift? Most days.

6. Last person you spoke to on the phone? The Other Woman

7. Do you like the person who sent this to you? I thought this was about me! (Come on, Nicea. You're better than that.)

8. How old are you today? Same age as Jesus was when he was crucified. (This blog is a work of fiction. No similarities between any person living or dead is intended, and any such similarity is purely coincidental.)

9. What is your favorite sport to watch? The Portland Trailblazers during the late nineties.

10. What is your favorite drink? The Sweet, Sweet Nectar of Life.

11. Have you ever dyed your hair? Not to my knowledge. But I have shaved it completely off, and had it permed into a beautiful blonde Mo-fro.

12. Favorite food? Pretty much anything accompanied by the Sweet, Sweet Nectar of Life.

13. Do you come to a complete stop at stop signs? Relatively.

14. What was the last movie you watched? The Fall

15. Favorite day of the year? Stake conference. (a.k.a. No Church, No Guilt Sunday)

16. How do you vent anger? Mostly through various orifices.

17. What was your favorite toy as a child? Armatron

18. What is your favorite season? Autumn.

19. Cherries or Blueberries? Not unless they put 'em in Diet Coke.

20. If you could have any super power, what would it be? I already do have a super power. See here.

21. Do you want your friends to e-mail you back? I have friends?

22. Who is the most likely to respond? The voices in The Other Woman's head.

23. Who is least likely to respond? God.

24. Living arrangements? By the skin of my teeth. [Nicea wrote: Single family house with husband (where can I get one of those? My townhome didn't come with a spouse.)]

25. When was the last time you cried? Real men don't cry. (This morning.)

26. What is on the floor of your closet? Hopes, dreams... Really, what isn't?

27. Who is the friend you have had the longest that you are sending to? Again, I'm confused. I have friends?

28. What did you do last night? Enjoyed a nightmare about arguing with my advisor, then trying to buy weed from my building's super. (He didn't have any.)

30. What inspires you? Oxygen, mostly. Also nitrogen and other trace gases.

31. What are you most afraid of? That I am powerful beyond measure.

32. Plain, cheese or spicy hamburgers? See #12.

33. Favorite dog breed? Oscar Meyer Bun Length.

34. Favorite day of the week? Yesterday.

35. How many states have you lived in? 5.

36. Favorite TV show? Arrested Development

*teclas = Spanish for keys, as in piano or keyboard. The Spanish word is just so much better.

Why I'm Celebrating with (Some of) California

I'm sure you've heard that the California State Supreme Court struck down as unconstitutional the state ban on same-sex marriage, and that couples have been crowding into courthouses to pledge themselves to one another.

Kitti and I are about to celebrate our tenth anniversary. (I know that's peanuts for some of you; for others it may seem like a day far off in the mists of thirtysomethinghood.)

I'm grateful today that in at least two states in this union, every pair of consenting adults who so desire can honor their relationship — and have it officially honored in return by the state — just as Kitti and I have been blessed to for the past decade.

There is nothing greater, more wonderful or sustaining in my life than the marriage I share with my wife. Through it I have learned — more than I might ever have done alone — of friendship, comfort, love and the pure charity of Christ. The Atonement is real to me because of my relationship with Kitti: there is no one who knows me as intimately as she, no one who has greater standing to justly judge me, no one who has forgiven me more thoroughly my trespasses.

For me to support denying a brother or sister the exquisite joy of knowing salvation in this life, of tasting forgiveness and hope and unconditional love — simply because they feel attracted to someone I don't — for me, would be unconscionable. It would be to deny everything I know that is praiseworthy and of good report in the world; to cast stones pretending sinlessness.

As I celebrate my marriage, I celebrate, too, the union of all those couples who commit to comfort, mourn, love and marry.

ADDENDUM: I strongly recommend listening to this podcast; it treats this issue from a perspective I don't very often see.

Running for the House

All right Halversons, I have an idea. I think that we should collaborate on something (at least those of us who have a modicum of spare time. I have been trying to think of a way to help young people (High School and early College age people) more involved/interested in civics without having to resort to rhetoric and people like Rush Limbaugh and Randi Rhodes.

I thought it might be a good idea to write a book all about how to run for congress, specifically the House of Representatives. There seem to be a lot of books about how congress works but not a lot on how to run for congress. I thought it would be a useful tool for young people. I think that if people had some idea about how those in congress had gotten there it would provide them some direction about what education and involvement opportunities would give them an advantage. I haven’t thought it all the way through but I think there should be information about the paths current congressmen and congresswomen have taken to get there, what made their campaign successful, nepotism, incumbency, and the rules and procedures that you have to go through to register as a candidate, etc…

I don’t know if this sounds interesting to any of you but I think that we have a pretty intelligent family and I think we could really put together something that could be useful to young Americans.