Best. Art. Ever.

Ok folks. Art has reached its apotheosis. All you painters, sculptors, musicians and poets, nice try. Thanks for playing. Go do something useful, because ya done got served!

First there was Arnold "We Are Here to Pump You Up (In Your Spirit Muscles)!" Friberg.

Then the gentler, more photorealistic Del "Ja, den där er Jesus!" Parson.

And we can't forget Thomas "Paint the Light!" Kincade.

But now a new luminary graces us with his art. An art to end all art. Jon "It's a McNaughton!" McNaughton.

BEHOLD!



I know, you're stunned. But there's more. Just in case you're like me, and The Full Meaning of this marvelous, "symbol*"-laden Depiction of Pure Truth (ya heard?) overcomes your aesthetic and congnitive capacities, the Artist has provided (via the magic of the interwebs) an explanatory apparatus here. Trail your mouse pointer over the various Symbols to see their explanations rendered in Truth No Less Powerful for Its Clarity.

And if those explanations aren't enough, you can always join me in taking one of Brother McNaughton's workshops. Know this, though:

One last word—I will endeavor to teach you everything I know except for one thing—"The Grand Master Secret." This is the most important principle I can teach, but I am cautious to whom I reveal it. I have had only a handful of students who have solved the code in the back of the wordbook. I truly believe it is the key to knowledge.

I'm totally going to figure out that code. (I wonder if Brother McNaughton's Grand Master Secret is anything like this guy's.)

Post your favorite parts in the comments section, that we all may be edified. (Note: be sure to check out the titles of books and the court cases littering the steps. And don't forget to look in the sky.)

UPDATE: A friend sent me this alternative interpretation. Once again, let your mouse do the walking.

UPDATE 2: Another friend sent me this parody, which is only slightly less frightening than the original. Witness: "One Nation under Chthulu."

___________
*Warning: Symbols not actually symbols, but literal depictions. From the OED: symbol (n.), 2. a. Something that stands for, represents, or denotes something else (not by exact resemblance, but by vague suggestion, or by some accidental or conventional relation); esp. a material object representing or taken to represent something immaterial or abstract, as a being, idea, quality, or condition; a representative or typical figure, sign, or token. (Emphasis mine.)

Credits: Hat tip to Old Sport for bringing this wonder to my attention in the first place, and to Swearing Elder for directing me to the workshops.

If you think Bush talks good...

From Fareed Zakaria's Newsweek column this week (27 Sept 2008):

"Couric asked her a smart question about the proposed $700 billion bailout of the American financial sector. It was designed to see if Palin understood that the problem in this crisis is that credit and liquidity in the financial system has dried up, and that that's why, in the estimation of Treasury Secretary Hank Paulson and Fed chairman Ben Bernanke, the government needs to step in to buy up Wall Street's most toxic liabilities. Here's the entire exchange:

COURIC: Why isn't it better, Governor Palin, to spend $700 billion helping middle-class families who are struggling with health care, housing, gas and groceries; allow them to spend more and put more money into the economy instead of helping these big financial institutions that played a role in creating this mess?

PALIN: That's why I say I, like every American I'm speaking with, were ill about this position that we have been put in where it is the taxpayers looking to bail out. But ultimately, what the bailout does is help those who are concerned about the health-care reform that is needed to help shore up our economy, helping the—it's got to be all about job creation, too, shoring up our economy and putting it back on the right track. So health-care reform and reducing taxes and reining in spending has got to accompany tax reductions and tax relief for Americans. And trade, we've got to see trade as opportunity, not as a competitive, scary thing. But one in five jobs being created in the trade sector today, we've got to look at that as more opportunity. All those things under the umbrella of job creation. This bailout is a part of that.

Are you kidding me?!?

One of my best friends is prepared for the way public dialogue seems to be headed. Here's the first paragraph of his revised cover letter:

I now on write in Palin style exchanges to do my communications to the utmost degree with the integrity of the nation on the line I fight for the little person who needs health care and free trade and debt relief because mortgage crisis is bailout city for people who just want to keep their jobs and there's Putin giving head to Alaskans all over the place and Canadia next door that is the key issue of all these affairs and with the right kind of change we can steer this ship straight to the destination point of the port of call.

Thank you and good night.

NVVs Unite!

So I know I should post something original, but I'm writing a talk for tomorrow and the cognitive dissonance is too much. As Doc Holladay once said (in a movie where he was played by Val Kilmer): my hypocrisy knows no bounds.

Warning: The following is rated R for Politics-related Profanity

Thanks to DT, my favorite civil servant, for sending this to me. (He also sent the Onion video I posted just below.)

Finally, a Team I Can Root For

Yeah, this is about my speed.

Richard Dandelion = Lame Fun Spoiler: or, 36 Things You Still Don't Know About Me

So, I know I'm being lame and spoiling this, but I have a pretty strict policy against forwarding e-mails. If anyone's interested in my responses to Nicea's questions, click on!

1. What is your occupation? See my blog profile.

2. What color are your socks right now? Since I'm currently sandal-clad, I have no socks on (despite really wishing I did. But as your friend and mine maintains, "It is much better to look good than to feel good.")

3. What are you listening to right now? My desk fan whirring pleasantly; the tap of my ancient keyboard's teclas*.

4. What was the last thing that you ate? My words.

5. Can you drive a stick shift? Most days.

6. Last person you spoke to on the phone? The Other Woman

7. Do you like the person who sent this to you? I thought this was about me! (Come on, Nicea. You're better than that.)

8. How old are you today? Same age as Jesus was when he was crucified. (This blog is a work of fiction. No similarities between any person living or dead is intended, and any such similarity is purely coincidental.)

9. What is your favorite sport to watch? The Portland Trailblazers during the late nineties.

10. What is your favorite drink? The Sweet, Sweet Nectar of Life.

11. Have you ever dyed your hair? Not to my knowledge. But I have shaved it completely off, and had it permed into a beautiful blonde Mo-fro.

12. Favorite food? Pretty much anything accompanied by the Sweet, Sweet Nectar of Life.

13. Do you come to a complete stop at stop signs? Relatively.

14. What was the last movie you watched? The Fall

15. Favorite day of the year? Stake conference. (a.k.a. No Church, No Guilt Sunday)

16. How do you vent anger? Mostly through various orifices.

17. What was your favorite toy as a child? Armatron

18. What is your favorite season? Autumn.

19. Cherries or Blueberries? Not unless they put 'em in Diet Coke.

20. If you could have any super power, what would it be? I already do have a super power. See here.

21. Do you want your friends to e-mail you back? I have friends?

22. Who is the most likely to respond? The voices in The Other Woman's head.

23. Who is least likely to respond? God.

24. Living arrangements? By the skin of my teeth. [Nicea wrote: Single family house with husband (where can I get one of those? My townhome didn't come with a spouse.)]

25. When was the last time you cried? Real men don't cry. (This morning.)

26. What is on the floor of your closet? Hopes, dreams... Really, what isn't?

27. Who is the friend you have had the longest that you are sending to? Again, I'm confused. I have friends?

28. What did you do last night? Enjoyed a nightmare about arguing with my advisor, then trying to buy weed from my building's super. (He didn't have any.)

30. What inspires you? Oxygen, mostly. Also nitrogen and other trace gases.

31. What are you most afraid of? That I am powerful beyond measure.

32. Plain, cheese or spicy hamburgers? See #12.

33. Favorite dog breed? Oscar Meyer Bun Length.

34. Favorite day of the week? Yesterday.

35. How many states have you lived in? 5.

36. Favorite TV show? Arrested Development

*teclas = Spanish for keys, as in piano or keyboard. The Spanish word is just so much better.

I Heart Samantha Bee

I think Mom would have laughed.

Name that War

My favorite bit of unintentional irony from Sen. McCain's speech tonight:

[A]’s leaders, rich with oil wealth and corrupt with power, have rejected democratic ideals and the obligations of responsible power. They invaded a small [B] neighbor to gain more control over the world’s oil supply, intimidate other neighbors, and further their ambitions of reassembling the [C] empire. And the brave people of [D] need our solidarity and our prayers.

We can’t turn a blind eye to agression and international lawlessness that threatens the peace and stability of the world and the security of the American people.

Which conflict is he talking about?

McCain's answers: [A] = Russia; [B] = democratic; [C] = Russian; [D] = Georgia.
Recent U.S. history: [A] = The United States; [B] = sovereign; [C] = U.S. American; [D] = Iraq.