The Entry

Before we go any further, let me say, there appears to be a critic reviewing.

Last night The Best and I went to see M. Night’s latest offering, The Happening. I’m a fan of the PA native's films. Some are better than others, though. I give you, then, in order of bitchin’ to meh, my ranking:

Unbreakable. Bitchin’. Sparse, meticulous, gorgeous. Good story, true to its genre, still pleases after multiple viewings (perhaps because the Shyamalan twist is apparent early), all while containing one of the most convincingly, plausibly suspenseful moments I’ve ever endured in a theater (about halfway through, in the kitchen, with the gun). Plus: Robin Wright Penn. /cheesy tiger growl/

The Sixth Sense. Bitchin’. I have never been as surprised by the end of a film as I was by this one’s. (By the time I was old enough to see The Crying Game, its reveal had become a cultural touchstone.) Felt a complete heel for having judged Bruce Willis unfaithful. Points off this one for not being nearly as fun in subsequent viewings. Though: Olivia Watson /cheesy tiger growl with British accent/; Donnie Wahlberg unrecognizable and completely de-Backstreeted.

The Happening. Worth the ticket. In the trailer for this is one of the stupidest lines I’ve ever heard in a big-budget film. In solemn tones, we hear an authoritative voice announce, “There appears to be an event happening.”

Really? An event? Holy schnikes. At least it’s not… Wait. What? It’s happening!?! Noooooooo! (Pray tell, M. Period-Between-Dusk-and-Dawn Shyamalama-dyngdong. What else might an event do?)

Though the line grates as much in the film as in the trailer, after seeing the movie I think there’s good reason for the line and for the related and equally silly title. So yes, there are stumbles here, too, though it’s a fun ride. I won’t say more until later so that nothing’s spoiled for those who haven’t seen it. Interesting commentary on community and violence, among other things. Also, the director’s trademark cameo is cute. Plus: Zooey Deschanel. Plus plus: Mark Wahlberg. /double cheesy tiger growl/ (Oh, like you wouldn’t do him? Please.)

The Village. Just worth the ticket. Slo-mo with Joaquin Phoenix and Bryce Dallas Howard gets me every time. This is where Shyamalan first stumbles: monsters. Saving graces: I really dig the idea that we bear seeds enough for a forest of violence within ourselves without need of Big Gay Satan or longclawed monsters in shadow. I also like that this is at once a history of some of the most powerful and pernicious underpinnings of U.S. American cultural history and a representation of how these manifested themselves post-9/11.

Lady in the Water. meh-kay. Feels like Shyamalan had a bunch of undeveloped but promising ideas, panicked at a deadline and decided to just throw them all into the same film. It had such potential—Paul Giamatti, Bill Irwin, Bob Balaban, Jeffrey Wright—but the mishmash of world mythologies was poorly handled. If anything, a prooftext for why J. G. Frazer and Joseph Campell are intriguing but shouldn’t be taken too seriously. Also: monsters in the woods. Seriously?

Signs. Sub-meh. Blech. His weakest film. Too heavy handed, too sentimental, too melodramatic. Don’t even get me started on the racist, anti-Semitic papist monster. (And Mel Gibson’s in it, too.)